


1114

by unloyalstan



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Ficlets, M/M, basically jinhwan x his ships, full of nonsense delusions, lots of fluff, mostly canon, or jinhwan x everyone, youve been warned dont expect
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-23 17:51:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13792959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unloyalstan/pseuds/unloyalstan
Summary: personal fic dumps for unfinished fics and fics that were just written out of boredom without any intention of polishing it so it could appear readable (?) lol + would mostly consist of canon because i love canon





	1. OT7 (Zombie Apocalypse AU)

**Author's Note:**

> links from official translation of events are given (if i ever find them again) as long as im bored and inspired to write about their recent antics, then this will not end lol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wrote this as an entry to the question: "how would iKON do in a zombie apocalypse, who will be eaten by the zombies first and who will survive if there is one?"

Donghyuk turns the television off once the news ended. It’s only been a few hours since the outbreak happened, but apparently, it’s enough for the virus to spread on a lot of people, creating chaos all over the world, especially on the city’s capital where the first sight of an infected man was recorded. The government could only advise its people to stay at home, while they find the solution.

Jinhwan stands up abruptly and starts to pace around the living room, while the rest of the members blankly stares at him.

“Can’t we still contact Hanbin-hyung?” The question is left hanging in the air; the members furrowing their eyebrows in worry for their missing leader.

When all that he receives is silence, Chanwoo turns his head on Yunhyeong’s direction, expecting an answer. 

“He’s still probably sleeping. Jaewon-hyung says they left him earlier after some editing of the songs. I think he doesn’t even know the news yet.”

The boys are once again caught up in their own daze--the sounds of Jinhwan’s padded feet as he circles around their living room could only be heard. 

Just then, Bobby stands up not too long after, and wordlessly grabs his phone at the table.

“Where are you going Bobby-hyung?”

“I’m going to call my parents and ask them if they’re okay.You should do it too.”

Jinhwan stops pacing and turns at the mention of their parents. He watches as the look of apprehension, worry and dread fill the rest of his friends’ faces, and immediately decides that he needs to act like the strong eldest hyung now that their leader and friend is gone. 

“Okay,” Jinhwan winces when his voice came out shaky. So much for being strong. “We’ll call our parents and after 15 minutes, we should all get back here. I’ll try to call Hanbin, and if he doesn’t answer again,  we’ll talk about our plan.” 

The members nod dumbly at the end of Jinhwan’s announcement, and starts to head back to their respective rooms. When their door clicks shut, Jinhwan visibly deflates as he slumps back into their sofa. Why did Hanbin had to stay at their studio on the worst day possible?

 

 

 

“So what are we going to do?” Junhoe asks once the six of them are back. They don’t look as shaken up after confirming that their family is still fine, though there’s still an ever present frown on their faces. They’re not complete yet.

“I called Hanbin earlier but all my calls went straight to his voicemail. I also called some of the staff at the building to ask about Hanbin, and they said that they panicked and immediately evacuate the building when they read the news. They don’t know about Hanbin, they forgot to tell him.”

Bobby clenches his fist, but says nothing

“We need to go outside and fetch Hanbin.” Jinhwan thinks about all the possible solutions, but it’s either they wait for Hanbin to be back or they have to go get him themselves. The situation outside is starting to get worse, he doubts Hanbin could do it alone.

“We can’t all go. What if Hanbin-hyung went back and no one is here? I’m going to go.”

“Wait, shouldn’t we tell this to our company? This is dangerous!”

“I’m going with Chanwoo.” Their heads whipped at Junhoe’s direction, surprise at the suggestion. Junhoe looks determined. “We’re both tall, Our heights could finally be put into good use.” Junhoe jokes, trying to lift their mood up. The members crack a smile which still looks rough around the edges, but still a smile nonetheless.

“The three of us could go. We’ll also get some supplies that we needed on our way back. We can’t survive that long with the food on our fridge.”

“No, Jinhwan-hyung I’ll go instead. I know which things to buy. Just stay here, we’ll be back immediately.”

“Okay. Just be careful.”

“This is dangerous guys! Let’s inform our CEO first before deciding our next action.” The boys ignore Donghyuk, as they get ready to leave. Jinhwan asks them to take their phones with them and to call if they got Hanbin. He puts them in silent mode, because the infected ones are reported to be quite sensitive with sounds.

“Listen to me!” Donghyuk shouts, and Junhoe stops in putting his coat on to glare at him. 

“No, you listen to us!” Junhoe’s voice rises, irritation clear on his face. “We’re going and that’s final.”

“But what about the company? They will scold us if you go out, plus it’s dangerous! The news says the infected ones are increasing--”

“For fuck’s sake Donghyuk, the company doesn’t care about us!” Junhoe finally snaps, Chanwoo gripping his arm being the only thing that’s holding him back from going to Donghyuk. “They left Hanbin-hyung there to save themselves and you still think they cared? Our friend is outside, we don’t know if he’s safe or what and we need to save him! We need to get the supplies or else we’ll starve to death! We have to survive here so please stop talking about our goddamn company because it’s the least of our concerns”

There’s silence once again, Junhoe’s words ringing into their ears.

“I’m sorry. I just wanted for us all to be safe.” Donghyuk says with his head hanging low in shame, as Yunhyeong pats his back. He doesn’t mean to come off like that--everyone is sensitive and it’s his fault for not using the right words. He just really wants safety for everyone.

Jinhwan sighs, and steps forward.

“Junhoe, Donghyuk has a point. We need to at least tell the company, but no matter what they say, we’re still going according to the plan, okay?” Jinhwan looks at him, and Donghyuk nodded. Jinhwan offers a reassuring smile, before turning to look at the three members. “You should now go. Remember to call us and be safe.”

“Wait!”

Donghyuk came back after a minute, Chanwoo’s baseball bat, and Junhoe’s nunchucks on his hand. “Here.” He places the things on the bewildered boys’ hands. “Use this to smash them off. How could you go outside without a weapon?”

“Thank you, Donghyuk.” The corners of Junhoe’s lips lift, and Donghyuk finally relaxes.

“We’re going to go now.” Chanwoo waves at them, before they open the door to leave. Jinhwan drops his smile once they were out, hiding his trembling hands in the pocket of his hoodie.

“They’re going to be fine.” Bobby places a hand on Jinhwan’s shoulder, warm and comforting. They will be fine. Jinhwan wishes that he made the right decision.

 

* * *

 

 

Yunhyeong ends the call after relaying the information about Hanbin’s safety. Predictably, he’s sleeping when they got there and had no idea of what’s happening outside.

“I’m sorry you guys had to go out because of me.” Hanbin has been apologizing since they meet them, and they have to reassure him every time that he doesn’t have to apologize.

“Don’t mention it. We’re just worried for you.”

“So what are we doing now?” Chanwoo is at the front with his bat while Junhoe is in charge to look out for their back. The infected are littered on the entire way, but they instantly figured that if they don’t make any sound that would startle them, then they won’t be noticed. They’ve been walking past them almost in tiptoes, and so far, it works. They just have to be very careful.

“Jinhwan-hyung says we needed to restock our supplies. We’re going to stop by on the convenience store near our dorm.”  

They arrived at the empty convenience store after half an hour, which would is only a ten-minute walk on a normal day. They checked every columns to make sure that they really are alone, before locking the door and closing the blinds.

“Okay boys, grab everything you think we needed. Canned foods, instant noodles, or anything that will be easy to prepare. We should probably get some water. Check the expiration dates too. Don’t get ridiculous stuff and only get the essentials. We’re leaving in ten minutes.” 

 

 

 

The number of infected ones doubled in number on their way back. They had to be extra careful as to not disturb them, but it’s proven hard, now that they were each carrying bags of necessities. Their breaths stop every time they made some noise--Yunhyeong thinks years are already added on his age from all the stress that he experienced in a short span of time.

There’s a group of infected beings ahead of them and a few feet away on their back. Junhoe glances back to check whether they were being followed, but when he looks forward, he accidentally bumps into Hanbin who suddenly stops walking. The infected are blocking the entire way in front, and they have to make a detour in order to reach their dorm. 

The collision is not enough for the both of them to lose their balance, but it’s enough for Junhoe’s grocery bag to get ripped right at the bottom.

The three of them tries to do some damage control, though it’s too late when the sound of a falling canned good echoed in the eerily quiet street.

“Shit.” Junhoe curses, when one of the infected starts to move towards them. The group of infected in front has their entire attention now focused on them, as they slowly back away, which is not much, considering that there’s a handful of infected ones on their back.

“Run to the left!” Chanwoo shouts suddenly, when he notice the first infected took off, followed by another batch of the infected.

 

* * *

“We need to go out Jiwon.” Jinhwan says, after his call went through Yunhyeong’s voicemail again.

“Jinhwan-hyung calm down. They will be back soon.” 

“It’s been three hours since their last call!” Donghyuk flinches at his voice, and Jinhwan mentally counts up to ten to calm himself down. “I thought their battery died but their phones are ringing but they’re not answering.” He dialled their number again and put his phone on speaker mode, and true enough, it’s ringing.

“We should wait for them still. They will be fine.” Bobby pulls Jinhwan to sit down beside him, before signaling Donghyuk for a glass of water. 

“But I feel restless Jiwon. We really need to follow them.” 

Donghyuk comes back with the water, offering it to Jinhwan who gratefully accepts. “Fine, Donghyuk and I will go and you stay here.”

“I’ll go with you.” Jinhwan puts the glass down and stands up, but Bobby’s hand grabs his wrist before he could step away.

“No, you’re not.” Bobby’s voice is firm and final not leaving any room for arguments.

“I’m not gonna break Jiwon. I could protect myself well.”

“I don’t mean that.” Bobby sighs, because he honestly doesn’t even thought about that. In the years he’d known Jinhwan, he knew how much he hated to be underestimated. With his tone, Bobby also knew that he’s thinking that he’s doing just that. “But what if they come back and we’re not here? It will only worry them more.” 

“I insist.” Bobby’s grip on Jinhwan’s wrist remains, so Jinhwan tries again. “Please, I can’t be alone here.” Bobby stares at him, eyes searching, and then grip on his wrist tightens before it was removed. 

“Fine, but I’m leaving my phone here so they could call us when they got back. We’ll leave a note beside my phone. You and Donghyuk should bring your phones.”

“Thank you.” Ever since the news broke out, this is the first time that a sincere smile forms on Jinhwan’s lips. 

 

“Done now? Let’s go.” Donghyuk closes the door, and this time, Jinhwan wishes he never agreed for them to stay home earlier.

  
  



	2. Hanbin x Jinhwan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> based on jinhwan x hanbin's [fancam](https://goo.gl/HNLihT) while dancing in the club on last dance in seoul afterparty

Jinhwan watched as Hanbin danced in front of him, body insync with the club’s loud music. He’s clearly having fun, and for that Jinhwan was glad. It’s been a stressful week for them, especially for Hanbin, and to see him loosening up after all the stress from their comeback preparations, made him feel somewhat at ease. Earlier, he’s against about Hanbin taking more alcohol than he could handle, but looking at him now, maybe it’s not a bad idea after all. 

“Okay, okay. Let’s get you upstairs.” Jinhwan slung his arms blindly in Hanbin’s direction, trying to stop him from twerking more. He’s tipsy, and the blinking lights were not really helping him reach the younger, but after a couple of attempts, he successfully secured his arm around him. Jinhwan tilted his head towards the stairs, and thankfully, Hanbin complied and stopped from moving his hips immediately, draping his arm on him in return.

 

 

 

It’s a quiet walk back to the room where the rest of the guys are. Jinhwan detached himself from Hanbin, once making sure that the younger could walk just fine. Well, Hanbin acted like he can’t at first, but Jinhwan knew him well enough to realize that he’s lying. Hanbin pouted at him, which is both familiar yet strange, considering that they have been seeing his serious side ever since practice started again. Jinhwan snorted, laughing harder when it seemed to irked Hanbin more. 

Out of nowhere, a hand shoot up to grab Jinhwan’s wrist, startling him. He squinted his eyes at Hanbin, who then pointed at another hallway, where a direction towards the comfort room was located. Jinhwan sighed, but nodded anyways.

It didn’t take a minute to reach the bathroom which was surprisingly empty. The music could still be heard, though it became softer once the door was closed. 

Jinhwan watched as Hanbin splashed some water on his face. He was taking his time, meticulously wiping his face while looking at the mirror. Hanbin wasn’t usually like this, normally he was out after a few dabs of tissues on his face, but Jinhwan just let him be. They still have a lot of time left before their manager would come looking for them.

 

After catching Hanbin’s eyes for a couple of times through the mirror, Hanbin was finally done.

“You ready?” Jinhwan asked, while looking at his watch. Ten minutes had already passed.

“Hug me.” 

“Yes--what?” Jinhwan whipped his head up, surprised by the reply. Hanbin was calmly staring at him, and he was ready to dismissed it as nothing but then Hanbin stretched his arms open, confirming that yes, Jinhwan heard it right.

“Hug me.” Hanbin stated simply, opening his arms wider, waiting for Jinhwan to hug him.

Jinhwan stole a glance at the door behind Hanbin, grimacing slightly when it doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Are you afraid that someone could see us?” Hanbin’s voice was monotone, disabling Jinhwan from knowing what the younger was feeling. He hated it when he was like this--hated that after all these years there were still times when he couldn’t get past the walls that Hanbin built around himself. 

“No, why  would I be afraid?” He was still looking at him in that way that makes him vulnerable, and exposed. Jinhwan shifted his weight to the side, the stare making him feel uncomfortable.

“Then hug me.” Hanbin moved his arms again, beckoning Jinhwan to come closer. 

“We need to get back.” 

A beat passed, before Hanbin’s arms fell limply on his sides. The walls around him was shattered, allowing the hurt to finally show on his features.

“You’re always afraid.” It was whispered, but it was enough to break Jinhwan’s heart. Hanbin looked so crushed, so broken and betrayed, standing in the middle of an empty bathroom. In a split second, Jinhwan’s mind decided to fuck it, as he walked forward, engulfing Hanbin in a hug. He can’t stand seeing the younger like that.

When Hanbin hugged him back after a couple of seconds, Jinhwan released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Jinhwan nuzzled his face on the material of Hanbin’s hoodie, missing the younger’s smell and warmth, missed him being this close to him. Hanbin hugged him tighter, and Jinhwan wanted to cry right then and there. 

“I’m sorry...”  _ for being a coward, for disappointing you, for letting you down, and for a whole lot of things _ .

“It’s okay.” Hanbin muttered back, and Jinhwan shook his head because it isn’t okay. Things are far from being okay and it won’t be resolved unless they talked. But it won’t happen anytime soon, because as much as he hated to admit, Hanbin is right, he’s afraid.

Hanbin has a lot of things in mind; the company and fan’s expectation on him, his family, matters concerning about their group, and Jinhwan doesn’t want to burden him more with their conflicting feelings. Indulging in this would certainly get them in trouble, because you just can’t fall in love with one of your members right? More than anything, it’s Hanbin who could possibly lose a lot at the end and Jinhwan can’t let it happen to him. 

His thoughts were interrupted when he could hear some footsteps outside. The sound got louder and louder, and Jinhwan tried to squirm in Hanbin’s arms to break free, but Hanbin won’t let him. The footsteps stopped in front of the door, followed by the twist of the knob. Jinhwan closed his eyes, mind racing with a million excuses that would possibly get them out of this. 

Jinhwan opened his eyes when the door was kicked. A string of curse words followed, and then another kick, before he realized the situation. Of course, Hanbin was always ahead of things. When did he even locked the door? 

When the footsteps started to walk away, Jinhwan visibly deflated on Hanbin’s arms.

“Are we going to do fine?” Jinhwan’s heart broke for the second time on that day. Hanbin sounded to unsure and insecure it tear him apart. It doesn’t need a genius to figure out what Hanbin was talking about. Their comeback is near, and despite leading their group efficiently and confidently throughout every preparations, Hanbin was also human. There’re still some cracks that were bound to resurface, doubts and uncertainty that could fill his mind, and he was there every time it happened. Jinhwan was there to reassure him, and to dispel all those worries away, and for that, he was glad at Hanbin’s trust on him.

“You’ll do fine,” He replied sincerely, just like what he always did. “I believe in you.” 

“Thank you.” Jinhwan felt Hanbin placed a soft kiss at the top of his head. Hanbin then loosened his arms around him, just enough so they could look at each other in the eye. They stared at each other for a while, before a hand came up to cradle his cheek. Jinhwan leaned at the soft touch, instantly melting at the affection. “That’s the only thing that I needed to hear.”

Jinhwan smiled, and held Hanbin’s hand on his cheek before leaning back. He instantly missed Hanbin’s warmth, who was confused too by his actions. Jinhwan knew that he was going to regret his actions later, and this would just be another addition to the things that would keep him awake at night, but it’s not enough to stop him from tiptoeing and placing a kiss at the corner of Hanbin’s lips. The full smile that he got in return after, made him think that it’s worth it.

“Should we go back now?” Hanbin asked, lacing their hands together. He looks so happy now, and Jinhwan wished that he could always be like this.  

“Yes.” 


	3. Junhoe x Jinhwan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> based on an [account](https://goo.gl/CVmzu9) shared in konfidential night about junhoe barging on jinhwan's room

"JINAN-AH WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Junhoe barges into Jinhwan's room, voice a pitch louder to still be considered appropriate especially with the current time. He has his arms stretched at his sides for some unknown reason, and a big smile plastered on his face. Jinhwan, however, on his place in the middle of his king size bed remains unfazed. He stares blankly at Junhoe for quite some time, before opening his mouth to speak--voice as dull as his expression. "Get out."

Junhoe is flustered, though he tries not to show it on his face. So he grabs the bottle of lotion--the only thing that he could reach from how far his arms were stretched, and in the same loud voice, yells 'OKAY GET MORE REST' 

Jinhwan turns his back at him wordlessly, and Junhoe immediately exits the room. He regrets not following Yunhyeong's advice earlier about not disturbing their oldest member. Jinhwan is clearly not in the mood to play with him-- or to anybody per se, and now he's got nothing better to do. He retreats back on his own room dejectedly, ignoring Donghyuk's sympathetic look. Watching movie alone sounds boring but he's left with no other options. 

 

* * *

 

Junhoe was so engrossed into the movie that he's watching, he didn't even hear his door open. He didn't even notice the presence of another person in the room, until someone taps on his shoulder.

"What the--" Junhoe jumps at the touch, hands placed on his chest atop his heart, before turning to glare at the person who crept up beside him. He'll never watch any horror movie alone again.

His glare morphs into confusion when he sees that it's just Jinhwan and he's holding something on his other hand. 

"Let's drink?" Jinhwan still has his blank face on--the usual brightness in his eyes are gone. He shakes the bottles infront of him, and  _ oh _ , it's the wine Jinhwan had bought recently. Junhoe is about to agree because, frankly Jinhwan looks like he needs it, but then he remembers something. 

"Aren't you sick?" 

"You could say that." It's vague and the way Jinhwan answers him carelessly like it's no big deal makes him speechless.

"......."

"So what?" Are you going to drink with me or not?" An eyebrow was raised at him--the first ever change of expression since the embarrassing episode earlier, and it's not even a good change. He thinks quickly, because Jinhwan doesn't look very patient. Jinhwan does the eyebrow raising move again that adds more pressure to him so in the end, he releases a sigh and nods at him.

"Fine, I'll just clean up here." Jinhwan moves to sit on a chair instead, waving his hand at Junhoe when he just stares at him. Junhoe snaps out of his daze and began to move, hoping that Jinhwan is worth the hangover that he'll probably get tomorrow when he wakes up.

 

 

 

Jinhwan starts to loosen up after finishing their first bottle.

"Why are you laughing?" Junhoe stops from reading upon hearing Jinhwan's giggles. "I'm reading my new poem.” Jinhwan covers his mouth, though it’s clear that he’s still hiding his smile.  “And it's sad." He deadpans, but it just makes Jinhwan's giggles turn into a full blown laughter. Junhoe's frown deepens, and Jinhwan laughs harder.

"Why are you so cheesy and sappy?" Jinhwan says after a while, as he wipes the tears that formed at the corner of his eyes. He finally stops laughing but his eyes are still crinkling with delight. 

His cheeks are tinged red--probably from the alcohol or from laughing too much, or even both, but it's cute. 

"Whatever, just let me finish." Junhoe looks and sounds annoyed but deep inside, he's glad that Jinhwan is finally laughing again. He's bad at comforting and this is the closest thing that he could do to lift someone's mood up without being awkward about it. Jinhwan's laughs echoes in his room even when he moves to his next poems--light and carefree, and Junhoe tries his hardest not to smile.

 

 

 

A knock on his door startles Junhoe. He removes his eyes on Jinhwan's now sleeping figure, and goes to check on who it is. He's cautious as he opens his door a little, the space only enough for him to peek his head out. It's their manager.

"Junhoe, do you know where Jinhwan is? I just got back from the--" Their manager's voice is loud against the still night so Junhoe brought his finger up to shut him up. Their manager looks confused and mildly affronted at being cut off.

Junhoe opens his door fully and gestures on his bed where he transfers Jinhwan who is soundly asleep. Jinhwan is drunk, and he probably won't wake up even if Bobby and Donghyuk began another wrestling fight on their living room but Junhoe just likes to make sure. A look of understanding dawns on their manager's features, though it immediately changes once he sees the two empty bottles of wine on the table. 

"You're lucky you have no schedule tomorrow or else both of you will get scolded." Their manager thankfully leaves without asking more; Junhoe is glad because he honestly doesn't know on what to tell him. He goes back inside and lies beside Jinhwan, holding his breath when Jinhwan shifts on his sleep. Jinhwan curls into a fetal position, hugging his legs close on his chest but he doesn't wake up.

 

Junhoe is slowly lulled to sleep by Jinhwan's soft snores, mind still wishing for Jinhwan to tell him whatever he's thinking but for now, he's glad that Jinhwan momentarily forgets about his problems tonight. Junhoe hopes that when tomorrow comes, Jinhwan will be back to is usual bubbly self.  


	4. Chanwoo x Jinhwan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> based on jinhwan saying that he's chanwoo's favorite out of everyone (can't find the link ugh)

"I've been standing outside for a while you know," Jinhwan lightly scolds as he enters. He scans the messy state of the room, before his eyes lands on his target. "Were you sleeping?" Still no reply.

"We're going out." Jinhwan announces as he sat himself beside their maknae, staring at the curled and bundled position he's currently in. "Join us we're eating nearby." 

Chanwoo's voice is muffled, and Jinhwan pries the blanket that's covering his face. Chanwoo has his eyes closed.

"What is it?"

"I'm not going.", comes the reply. Jinhwan frowns and immediately takes note of the hoarseness of Chanwoo's voice.

"Are you sick?"

"I don't know." Chanwoo whines softly when Jinhwan places the back of his hand on Chanwoo's forehead to check his temperature--he's warmer than usual.  

"You've got a fever." Chanwoo just pulls the blanket up again to cover him, hiding under his blankets. Jinhwan checks his watch and sighs,  muttering a quick i'll be right back and then the door was closed. Chanwoo forces out a goodbye out his throat, which only ended up hurting him more.

 

 

 

When Jinhwan do came back, he's got a freshly cooked porridge, water, and a medicine, balanced on a tray. He places the tray on the nightstand and carefully nudges Chanwoo awake, assisting him and placing a pillow on his back so he could lie comfortably against his headboard.

"I thought you're going out today?" Chanwoo coughs on his hands and Jinhwan passes him the tissues.

"Yes, but I stayed. I asked them to order take-outs for me." Jinhwan blows on the spoonful of porridge that he's holding, before offering it to Chanwoo who obediently accepts the food. Chanwoo winces, and Jinhwan instantly apologizes.

"No, it's not hot. My throat just hurts." Jinhwan nods in understanding but says nothing else--Chanwoo's bouts of cough ocassionally ringing through the air, as Jinhwan scoops another spoonful.

 

 

 

Chanwoo wakes up later again, still feeling sick but definitely feeling better than earlier.

"Hyung?" Jinhwan hums, as he places a damp towel on Chanwoo's forehead. Chanwoo doesn't say anything again, so Jinhwan thought he must have already fallen asleep.

"You're my favorite." Chanwoo has his eyes closed and his voice barely inaudible, but Jinhwan hears it anyway. He smiles and pats the top of Chanwoo's head, wishing him to get better soon before leaving the room.  


	5. Bobby x Jinhwan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> based on an [account](https://goo.gl/n21d34) in konfidential night about bobby getting kicked out of jinhwan's room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imo, jiwon sounds intimate? more personal? well ofc @ self its his name

 

“What are you doing here?’ Jinhwan opens his bedroom door to find someone sitting on his desktop chair, back facing him. Even with the dim lights, a glance is enough for him to know the identity of his intruder. He’ll recognized the slouched back and unruly hair anywhere.

“Jiwon?” The said man visibly jumps back, seemingly startled by his own name. It’s already late and all Jinhwan wants to do is sleep after a tiring day at practice, but he wouldn’t mind postponing it for a couple of hours if his help is needed. He rubs his face for a couple of times before plopping down on his bed with a soft sigh.

He doesn't know how long it is but his eyes are slowly drooping down from exhaustion and drowsiness, when he hears a rustle. Jiwon finally turns to face him.

“What’s wrong?” Jinhwan asks, voice raspy but encouraging. Jiwon shifts in his chair, and that’s when Jinhwan finally noticed that he’s holding his woody figurine, the one that Jiwon gave him as a christmas present when they’re still doing that show. DId Jiwon held it since he came inside?

“Since when did you enter? Are you waiting for me?” Jiwon gives no inclination that he’s heard Jinhwan as he continues to fiddle with the figurine. He’s looking at it, though Jinhwan could tell that his mind is elsewhere. Jiwon has been coming to his room often these days, and Jinhwan has been kicking him out just as many times. This time proves to be different, since it’s clear that something’s definitely bothering him. No questionable excuses like his room is too messy or he’s too tired to walk a few steps towards his own room; _just_ silence.

“If you’re not gonna talk then get out.” He buries his head back on his pillows when Jiwon remains unresponsive. He didn’t really mean it, but seems like exhaustion is thicker than his teasing tone, so when he hears quiet footsteps echoed after, he knows Jiwon misunderstood. He whipped his head up, only to catch a glimpse of Jiwon’s retreating back. Moonlights briefly illuminated Jiwon’s downcast eyes and troubled expression just as the door closes, and Jinhwan’s heart aches.

 

The ache stays even after he wakes up, and even after Jiwon’s back to his usual smiling hyperactive self.

 

* * *

 

 

Jiwon feels suffocated. Too many thoughts are running in his mind and he can’t barely keep up. Phone calls to his mom and late night walks would usually be enough to calm him down though this time, it did nothing to lessen his worries. He wants to be home; away from the company, away from their CEO’s never ending lectures that breaks them every time rather than giving them confidence and will to be better, away from the people’s judging eyes that always find fault in them. He wants to be home, he wants to escape.   

“You’re here again?” Jinhwan’s voice brought him out of his reverie. There are bags under his eyes, and his voice raspier than usual, and Jiwon instantly feels guilty. He could easily pack his bag and go home for a day or two but he can’t. Not when Hanbin is killing himself inside the studio for months trying to piece up their next songs, not when he could hear Donghyuk cry every time he lies awake while waiting for the sun to shine, not when Chanwoo’s been limping lately due to the intense dance practice. His brothers are holding up everyday and he can’t be selfish as to leave them, even for just a few days.

“I’ll kick you out if you aren’t going to talk again.” Jiwon focuses his attention back on Jinhwan who’s already changed to his more comfortable clothes. He follows Jinhwan’s movements as he uncapped the bottle, before opening up a packet of medicine. His throat must be hurting him again.

“Are you happy?” The words are out before his mind could process it. Jinhwan’s back is facing him so he can’t gauge his reaction. He’s back to fiddling the woody figurine, waiting for Jinhwan to finish whatever he’s about to do.

“Suddenly?” There’s a small smile plastered on his tired face. Jinhwan throws the bottle into the bin and sits at the edge of his bed so they’re now face to face. Jinhwan’s smile has always been infectious and so he found himself smiling back moments after. His eyes soften, and then he’s reaching out to him. Jiwon drops his smile when it even fails to reassure Jinhwan. Jinhwan squeezed his hands lightly.

“Sorry. Comeback jitters.” Jiwon sets the figurine safely on the desk with his free hand. He plays with Jinhwan’s fingers instead, forever amused at how small and soft it is compared to his. “Been thinking a lot lately.”

“I could tell.” Jinhwan is looking at him in that way that makes him wanna spill everything out. He’s looking at him like he knows Jiwon’s every concern, like an open book that he’s free to read. Like he knows, and is just waiting for Jiwon to say it himself. He’s been like that ever since he could remember, gentle eyes and coaxing smiles trained on him, and suddenly it’s easier to breathe.

“We’ll be coming back in a few weeks and even though we say that we’ll be okay, that people will love it, I can’t help but to worry. It’s been a while since we promote in Korea, the last time being not a good one. Our CEO even threw us back in Japan!”

“I wouldn’t say ‘threw’ if I were you.” Jinhwan points out. Jiwon realizes it a little too late--the wrong implication that his words might bring. Jinhwan sees the conflicted look on Jiwon’s face, so his next words are spoken carefully. “But I could understand you. I had fun while doing the last album, pretty excited to be coming back after so many months, but apparently it’s not enough for the higher ups. I actually heard our managers talking about it, so when we received the schedules for our next tour and activities in Japan, I wasn’t that surprised.”

Silence falls upon them, as Jinhwan gives Jiwon the time he needed to rearrange his thoughts. Jinhwan observes as a series of emotions pass through the younger’s face, before it settled to a more broken one.

“I just wanted to be here you know? I wanted to meet our fans here. We’ve been away for so long.”

Jinhwan doesn’t hear this often, the weaker and vulnerable side of him, and truthfully, he never wants to hear it again. Jiwon laughs and lifts their mood up most of the time, and it’s easy to forget that he’s as wounded as they all are.

“Fuck,” Jiwon curses, his tone sharp and biting. He doesn't know how to express whatever he's feeling, if he's making any sense at all, but Jinhwan inches closer, and he instantly deflates. He looks down and stares at their intertwined hands instead. “I just wanted to make music and support my family.”

“I know.” Jinhwan says it with such vigor, prompting Jiwon to look at him. Jiwon waits from him to continue, eyes glued on the glint of hope that shines on Jinhwan's own ones. “We could do this. And if we don’t we’ll just try again and again. People will love us and the company will finally give us their attention. We’ll perform here and do fanmeets. This year will be different, I could feel it.”

“How could you feel it?” Jinhwan is prepared to go for another motivational speech, being a good oldest brother that he is, but then he saw the mischievous gleam in Jiwon’s eyes. He’s teasing him.

“Could you show it to me?” Jiwon says and Jinhwan glares at him. He removes his hands out of his grip and playfully shoves Jiwon away.

“I’m trying to comfort you here and this is how you repay me I’m hurt.” Jinhwan pretended to sulk, while Jiwon tries to grab a hold of his hands again. Jinhwan hides them at the front of his hoodie, not allowing Jiwon to tug it out no matter how much he tries.

Jiwon laughs softly, and settles on placing his chin in Jinhwan's shoulder. 

“Thanks Jinan,” A smile finally appears at the corners of Jiwon’s lips, small yet sincere, the nickname slipping past naturally. ”I miss talking to you like this. It’s been a while. We’re always so busy.”

Jinhwan drops his act, and smiles back; he feels warm. “Yeah, I miss this too.”

The silence that engulf them after is unlike earlier; this time, it’s light and peaceful.

 

 

 

A yawn forces its way out of Jinhwan’s mouth not too long after. He glances at his clock on his bedside table which reads 3:49 am, and they still have to go back to practice in a few hours. It’s too soon.

“We have to be out by 6.” Another yawn, as Jiwon stares. “We need to sleep. Get out.”

Jiwon looks confused at Jinhwan’s abrupt hostility, but he slowly turns away anyway. He stands up and dusts his clothes (which is completely unnecessary), waiting for any intervention from the older, but Jinhwan remains blank.

“I’m going then,” He gestures towards the door in an attempt to prolong his departure, but Jinhwan didn’t even bat an eyelash. Jiwon sighs--it must be another of his mood swings. “See you at practice then.”

He’s only a couple of steps away from the door when he heard it.

“I’m kidding.” Jinhwan laughs when Jiwon stays rooted on his spot. He laughs harder, when realization dawned on Jiwon’s face and then he’s squinting his eyes on him. “Come here.”

“What?”

“C’mon, sleep with me tonight.” Jinhwan crawls in the middle of his bed and under his covers, arms splayed out on his either sides. “My bed could fit us both.”

“Just like the old times?” Jiwon is still looking at him suspiciously, who knows maybe he’s pranking him again. Jinhwan pats the other side of his bed for emphasis, beckoning him to come closer.

“Yes,” If possible Jinhwan’s smile got bigger, easily diffusing Jiwon’s thoughts away. ”Just like the old times.”

 

When Jiwon first drapes his arms on him cautiously, Jinhwan accepts it without a word.

 

 

 

“I honestly don’t know.” Jinhwan whispers, back pressed against Jiwon’s sturdy chest, his strong arms caging him in. He should probably feel stuffy by his lost personal space, but somehow he feels safe. “Though I try to be.”

Jiwon thought he's already asleep. It takes a full minute before Jinhwan’s words registered on his sleep addled mind. It’s the answer to his previous question earlier. “ _Are you happy?”_

“Hanbin often says ‘let’s be happy’.” Jiwon slurs, arms tightening his hold on the elder. His next words are muffled, face partly buried in Jinhwan’s golden locks.  “Goodnight Jinan”

A beat passed before Jinhwan replies, nuzzling into his side closer. “Goodnight Jiwon.”

 

 

 

Home is miles away, but tonight, with Jinhwan in his arms, Jiwon feels like he’s home. He escaped.


	6. Junhoe x Jinhwan [AU]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> au and with lots of spaces. literally

Junhoe drinks. To forget, to stop the ache that's clawing on his chest and to prevent his tears from flowing. He drinks until he’s throwing up, until his body can’t take more alcohol in, and then he blacks out every single time.

He doesn’t remember crying at all, or breaking the bottles while he drinks, but it’s evident on his puffy eyes and wounded hand the next day after.

 

Junhoe wishes he doesn’t remember everything, but he still did. The magic lasts only for a night. Memories still resurface after; pain crashing down on him in full force once again. So he drinks some more, because maybe, one day, he’ll be able to finally forget it all.

 

 

 

 

Junhoe sleeps. That’s all what he did on days when he’s in too much pain to go out and buy another case of alcohol. There are some days when the effect of the accident can’t be ignored anymore, so he pushes his medicines away and grabs the bottle of sleeping pills. He swallows a couple or more. The dosage differs each day. It depends on how much he’s hurting. It’s four pills this time.

 

He sleeps, and he reminisces.

He meets him on his dreams, chases him as he runs across the green meadow. He hears him laugh and sees him smiling. He tries to hold him in his arms, but everytime he attempts to, he vanishes. Junhoe always wakes up after getting the same result. He cries for him. The other side of the bed is cold and empty. His heart feels like it too.

 

 

 

 

Two weeks feels like forever.

He doesn’t know it’s already been two weeks if it isn’t for Hanbin who finally had enough. Finally had enough of sweeping the broken bottles, cleaning his bloodied hands, applying ointments on his wounds and forcing medicines on him. Only two weeks had passed, but it feels longer. Like an eternity.

“Stop killing yourself!” Junhoe hugs the pillow closer on his chest. Jiwon comes with him to visit this time, and he’s holding Hanbin by the arm. Hanbin’s fists are clenched tightly. Jiwon should’ve let Hanbin go. He deserves to be hit.

“You’ll be meeting that asshole next week. How could you do that when you’re like this right now?” Junhoe close his eyes and buries his nose on the pillow. He breathes the scent in, and he still could faintly recognize the scent that could only belong to him. Junhoe dies a little more.

When he opened his eyes, Hanbin is on his knees with his head hung low. His shoulders are shaking while Jiwon’s trying to pull him up. He’s crying too. He never saw Jiwon cry before.

“Jinhwan died saving you Junhoe. And as much as I wanted to hate you for that, I can’t.” Junhoe removes the pillow from his hold and turns to look at their faces properly for the first time since they came. They’re not faring up well too, but Junhoe knows he looks just as bad, if not more. He just knows, even though he stops from looking at his reflection in the mirror to check. “It's not your fault, because I know that Jinhwan-hyung will do it again in a heartbeat. He loves you that much Junhoe. Don't blame yourself.”

They step towards him, slowly, as if waiting for Junhoe to turn away. Junhoe lets himself be enveloped into a hug. “Don’t let Jinhwan’s sacrifice go into waste. Don’t waste your life. Please.”  

He doesn’t notice that he’s crying until Jiwon’s wiping his tears away. “I’ll accompany you to his grave after. You still haven’t seen him have you?”  Jiwon’s slurring his words, but Junhoe understands him anyway. He nuzzles closer at the material of Hanbin’s hoodie, as Hanbin hugs him tighter. Jiwon sniffs, before he continues, “We’ll never give up on you. Families never gave up on each other.”

 

 

 

 

 

Junhoe still drinks, but he now limits himself.

Hanbin and Jiwon still drops by, but the home cooked food that they brought were never thrown away again.

He still sleeps, but it's not always with the help of the pills.

 

Junhoe starts to visit Jinhwan's grave everyday, but the guilt remains, along with their memories. Junhoe is starting to accept that he can't forget Jinhwan that easily. So he wishes for a second chance instead. A chance to be with him again.

 

 

 

 

 

He sleeps, and he reminisces. This time, when he dreams and reaches out to hold Jinhwan, he stays.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> got side tracked while writing another update and uhhhh fastest fic i've written you could tell by how messy this is

**Author's Note:**

> moved to @jinhwanphobia uwu


End file.
